Happy Birthday to mE!

I'm 20 and it feels awesome!

Hmm S0o0 Today is our 9 month anniversary.  But were not even together. haha.. My Exie still hasnt asked me out. Were still working on things haha. we got into it yesterday over myspace. Blah who does that!? to0 Kiddish for me. haha. I went and worked out with Kellen from the gym i met a day ago. He's so cool.  He's  a personal trainier and hes a p.e teacher at a elemantary shcool. haha this is so cool.haha its cute though haha. So i found my self a new work out partner. I told my mom that yesterday and you know what she said? '' sure, ya right, let's see how quick you can get into his apartment''. like wtf. Not everyone in your family grew up like a slut. like omg. she had such a big problem of me working out with him. Like, atleast im trying to loose the weight. aTleast i found a some1 that can be my FRIEND to help me loose the weight. what do u do? work, tell me how much of a cheater i am, i am mess around with so many guys, and all that shit. Last time I check im single!? so0 yea. Andrew is a little iffy on that as well. and it really pisses me off. Ive already told those two that there isnt any girls that wants to be my friends. These are girls down here are effing snobby and they dont like me.. AS for guys, dustin from my college likes me but i dont like him. He's short. I dont date guys that are short. He's 22 years old which is awesome but hes not my type.  Kellen is 25. He's isnt quite my top he's obsessed with his body and he talks about fitness, and working out and gym like haha wow i get the point being skinny is so important. lol he talks so much about it i mean i heard it like yesterday. but whatever, he can be friends with me i dont care. and then i come my home from the gym my mom looks at my hair and shes like wow its messy and she shakes her head. umm hmm.. yea its messy mayb bc i came home from the gym? like wtf seriously. and then shes like oh i thought u take showers why all the sudden u didnt ake a shower, well lets see here, i didnt bring extra clothes bc i was working on upper body.. get a fucking clue here. and shes like ''oh yea you only do that when im not around''.. no bitch, i fucking do cardio and upper boddy/lower buddy when ur in the gym with me. Stephanie the personal trainer only does lower and upper body with me bc i need to tone up. Since kellen wants to help me out he was doing upper body why cant i do it out of my own free will ? like serisouly. and then andrew called me l8ter on the night i was checking my mail and my mom liek always listens int o conversation. everything i say she keeps laughing, and she startes at me and say wwow what a fucking liar.. what am i lyning about? and i got pissed bc she kept interupting me and listening in my convo like wtf.

for an example, i tol dmy bf i have a job training today and shes like yea right. dont you mean u have to have sex with ur soc called personal trainer. and im like wow.. oh yea mom bc from 12-8 im gonna have sex with kellen. like get fucking real. she knows i have job training i showed her the baby and she looked at it as if i made it up or type it online.. like wow. i have job training thur, fri and sat. fri im suppose to hanging out with kellen i dotn see that happening not with mommy being on my ass 24/7. ionno why shes treating me like some goddamn kid. like seriosuly i lived out on my own for half a yr i think i can handle it! saturday im suppsoe to be going clubbing but my mom wont let me bc im supposingly going tohave sex.. wow ok. but yea... im done talking about its getting our of hands i cant fucking wait till i move back to jacksonville. like ugh, i need space and freedom. im gettign annoyed that fccj wont let me apply bc i need to wait 48 hrs for a password and pin number like wtf jus forget it. i rather apply it directly at the school. unf is giving me problems there askign info about  citzenship and they dont even permant resident alien as a choice. so basically they have a application for immigrants and im like wtf im not an immirgrant nor a internatl student. so0o i jus skip it. so0 i need to find a way to apply directly at the school. well neways i gotta finish up on my writing b4 i turn it in to my teaher, then im going to a job training after class att 3 15 till 8. c yea l8ter

Today is the day where i feel this is a day to blog on here. I have to worst day ever.  I'm actually going to copy and paste a personal letter on here of my day.  I am actually going to turn my homework in on Tuesday for my English class.  since we have a hw due. I basically surrender my dog to a animal refuge center. I 'm very devasted. I am down and I cired so much that i had to put Visine tears on my eyes bc i looked like i was high as hell.  It's very quiet in the apartment. i'm so use of coming home and having my cookie jump on me and now its not there. He's not pissing me off by running around the house with my clothes in his mouth.  like everything thats stands in the house is basically lifeless. but im going to paste it at the end of my entry.. I really dont feel like talking about it again bc im just going to break down. I took my 3 advil for severe headaches.  I dont think my mom ever saw me break down like that.  she really thought i had to hospitalized bc i lost it.  but on the upside, i m going to jacksonville and hanging out with my TRUE FRIENDS. Like what more could I ask for. This event will happen on saturday. Going to dinner and just getting all dressed up.  Like wow i have just TWO FRIENDS .  Oh whoops im going to include ADAM bc he's been a very good frien to JANE and ALICIA. So yea. And sunday I am leaving... =/  Tomorrow i am getting my Tattooo.. I have an important job interview at 6 30.  Im not sure if i will make it. I hope i can sit still and like have the guy tattoo my ass in 1 hr or something. Cuz i seriosuly have to go to this job interiview. Its TC Tile. 15 dollars base pay for customer service/andor customer sales. like wow. i pray to god that i can get this job. i will quit hollister so damn fast. well i think this is the end.  I m going to paste my letter that i am turning in for hw.  There is alot of grammer errors. Bc i free write when i m down . I like to write things down.  It helps get my furstration out. so here it goes..

------>

You don’t know what you got until its gone.

On September 18^th 2008 I had a very upsetting traumatizing event.  Till this day, it still affects me and taunts me every time I go in my room, see children or adults walking their dogs outside.  It was a beautiful afternoon. It’s bright outside, of course its hot. I just got home from school after taking a grammar one quiz.  My mother is been trying to find an animal shelter to surrender our beagle for weeks.  But this afternoon she found one.  I don’t know why this didn’t bother me at all.  I went to my room where the dog sleeps and I took cookie out one last time to go use bathroom.  I was in denial that I wasn’t going to let my dog go.  I rode in my mother’s car.  I was playing with my dog and praising him.  I wasn’t upset.  I was actually happy that my mother can find him a better home.  We felt bad that we had to many expanses to pay and that Cookie was very hard to squeeze into our budget.  It wasn’t fair to cookie.  Cookie should be in a loving home where their masters can provide him the medical care.  We were also busy.  It’s not like we neglected Cookie.  He was a hyper energetic puppy.  I take him out for walks, I feed him, I bathe him.  But it was hard to get regular checks up since it’s quite expansive. My mom was taking us to The Animal Refuge Center in Fort Myers, Fl.  As we got there, it was a country setting.  I didn’t the place at all nor, did I like the women that were running it.  I had bad vibe that Cookie was going to be trained a vicious hunting dog.  It was a woody area and lots of raccoon in the woods.  I got out of the car, and Cookie was scared of the larger dogs barking loudly in their dens.  Sandy who was the manager of ARC.  Was very eager to see my dog.  She told me to come into her office.  She was playing with Cookie and asking me all sorts of questions.  Her other employees told me to fill out a Surrender pet owner form.  All the other employees focus so much of their attention on the dog.  My mother stood their quietly.  I guess she was in shock that is going to happen.  That we will return home without a dog.  Sandy asked me if I have his vaccinations papers and I told her ‘’ yes their in the car’’.  I stepped out of her office and I can just hear Cookie crying out so loud. But it didn’t hit me yet. I wasn’t even upset that he was barking outloud.  My mother told me she was going to stay outside.  She didn’t want to go back in.  So I went back into Sandy’s office I gave her all of Cookie’s forms.  Sandy and her employees were telling me that Cookie is going to miss you.  He was waiting for you at the door.  I said ‘’ aww really’’.  I looked at Cookie one last time and I hold him into my arms and hugged him and kissed him.  I told him ‘’ I am sorry’’.  I also said ‘’ I always love you; and remember you’’.  I put him down and I walked away. I shut the door on my way out.  I saw him running at the door and I hear him crying.  My mother had her hand over her mouth.  I was shocked when I was walking towards my mom’s car.  I couldn’t even believe that this is happening.  My mom drove away and she was very distraught by this event.  She was telling me this is very upsetting but Cookie will have a better home.  I didn’t say anything I kept quiet.  I looked outside and I saw all the other cat and dogs dens and I just started crying.  My mother watched me crying out my entire make up off.  She didn’t know what else to say.  I was depressed.  This might sound a little cheesy, but Cookie was my friend. Yet alone my Best friend. Since I moved to Fort myers, Fl.  Later on, I went to school and I tried to shake of this horrific experience.  I had a test in Psychology.  I was not focused at all.  All I think about is what is Cookie doing there?  Is sandy mistreating him?  Is cookie all right.  So many things were running through my mind.  After my psychology test was done with I went home.  I went straight into my bedroom and I saw the crate where cookie uses to sleep in.  Right than and there it just hit me.  I started crying again.  I see his toys his favorite blanket just lining there lifeless.  I cried to myself.  I didn’t want my mom to see me.  So I took all of Cookie’s toys and blankets and put them in garbage.  I took apart his crate.  His blue dog bowls.  Anything that reminded me of Cookie is thrown away into garbage.